Me: I summon John McCain
In attack mode
Me: John McCain, defend your war record against Trump! Attack!
McCain: I’m a war hero, faggot.
Trump: You’re a hero kuz you got captured. I like people who weren’t captured.
I live in a forest nation y’all
I don’t rake much
So the whole place is on fire and all
Oh wait I’m getting a call
*I answer phone*
What do you mean we ran out!?
Of pineapple jello!?
That’s my favorite dude
You are no longer my favorite dude
Go get some more before the store closes
Oh what do you mean at midnight nothing’s open?
I want pineapple jello!!!
I wanna slap the shit
Out of Angela Merkel
Idk why, I just do
Then I want to fuck Putin from the back
Whether or not he lets me, that point is moot
I want Justin Trudeau to give Jose a lap dance
Melania Trump came out of the dressing room saying, do these pants make my ass look fat?
I said yeah, but that’s good.
Goodbye Jeff Sessions
Marijuana stock is going up now
Smoke a blunt for me, baby
Mothafucker you’re like 80
Fuck your worldview