story

A Real Life Tragedy

My dad committed suicide. It was a pity to watch. I was 6. I saw him put into his ass a rattlesnake tip. Then he aggravated the snake so it would rattle its tail, which vibrated in my dad’s asshole. But in the midst of his enjoyment, the rattlesnake turned around, it had a little muzzle on, but it fell off, right then it bit my dad in the asscheek and then one more time in the ankle. I ran out the front door when that happened. I still feel bad about it because I didn’t get help when that happened. When my mom came home she asked me what happened, I said my dad committed suicide. And that was real sad. 😦

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Scenario

Don’t Leave The Windows Open

Imagine if Kim Kardashian was trying to calm Kanye West down but nothing she does is working and then he jumps out a window.

Then…the next day…CNN, TMZ, TWITTER, KANYE WEST THROWS HIMSELF OUT OF A WINDOW

Saturday Night Live does a skit about it..
And they recreate the scene of Kanye throwing himself out of a window
….

A week later…NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE: KANYE JUMPING FROM WINDOW leaks on the internet.

That’s the world we live in, folks.

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story

A Sight Not To Behold

I saw a guy with a strange feature

His ass was where his stomach was

His stomach was wear his head was

And his head was where his ass used to be

I told my mommy, mommy what kind of person is this?!

My mommy shamed him and said he shouldn’t be outdoors, he should not be seen

It was at that moment he committed suicide

By strangulation, a Twizzler off a satellite Dish

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story

Paula Samson

She was a woman of rank and honor

She often spoke of politics and movies

She had a husband, active duty

He was stationed in a shit country

And getting paid quite well for it

One day a native killed this tourist

And Paula cried a millenia

“Where’d she go? She was right here. I’m telling ya!”

*They looked out the window*

On the street lay the body of Paula

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Poetry

Journey To Cancun

I’m unbalanced, I’m unstable
If I come to the dinner party
I might flip the table over
Kuz I don’t know how to act
The veins by my temple will protrude
And begin to snap
Then I will attack a random guest
Then I will claim it was part of my quest
I took a test, now I’m in law school
The law is a tool I fidget with now
I dropped out of law school
And adopted a permanent scowl
I howl at the sun
And squint at the moon
I took a trip to Cancun
With the last bit of money I had
I had a blast for two days
Then boom!
I hung myself in a hotel room

Nice.

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