A Great Dinner

So Jose, Matthew tells me you’re going back to school?

Yeah. I’m majoring in majoring. It’s complicated. It’s not worth explaining.

So, Sasha, I hear you’re going back to school, to finish your degree in Gemuligi.

Yup. I am so looking forward to it.

Oh and Matt! Weren’t you saying something about going back to school, next semester or something.

Oh yeah. Definitely dude. I gotta finish my Yabadabadu degree. I can get a job that pays me 18 if I finish that.

Jose looked on the ground and saw Sparky. The little mutt. Oh so cute.

So Sparky, I hear you’re going back to school too.


How Does Matthew Look?

Matthew, he was hot in the conventional sense. “What does it mean to look hot in the conventional sense,” he asked his girlfriend, who had just paid him that compliment.

Mmm. Idk. You’re tall. You have a nice ass. Cute little cheeks. And relaxed eyes.

“What does it mean to have relaxed eyes,” asked he.

Shut up already. You’re becoming annoying.

“Hey, don’t talk to me like that! I am your man!!!!….jk. I don’t really care about what you’re saying.”

Hey, someone’s texting you.

“It’s Jose. He’s coming to pick me up. We’re probably going to go eat somewhere.”

Oh. Can we have him over. I’m already making dinner.

“Idk. Jose’s been acting…weird lately.”

Isn’t that his whole thing…that he’s weird

“No. But now he’s…”

A rock smashes thru the apartment window

Matthew and his girlfriend look outside and see a dark figure with coconut tree hair.

Hey, what’s up?

It’s Jose! Send him up!

“Wait you’re not mad!,” he asked.

No, I have extra money saved up. I’ll pay for the window myself.

*20 minutes later*

What’s in this soup, asked Jose.

It’s love with a dash of love.

Wow. Love has –

“Never tasted better!”

Matt’s good at finishing my sentences,

Said Jose.


Jose Has Left The Building


I ran into Matthew

He was selling cherry

Encrusted cashews

I’m like damn, that sounds good, how much?

He said, for you? a thousand bucks

That’s a little pricey

Then Matthew noticed

The building I was coming out of

He said, what were you doing

In there? In there, what were you doing?

His finger pointed, it shone

Underneath the streetlight

2 minutes ago it was mid-afternoon

And now a dark warm summer night?

I said, let’s take a walk my friend

I got a story worth a thousand cashews


Let’s Skip The Chatter

I told a room of ten psychologists,

You’re all a bunch of pompous assholes

We’re psychiatrists, sir

Even worse! You guys think your shit medicine can fix everything

Suck my dick! All of you!

I got up and saw two men rushing towards me

They had a jacket, the jacket was strait

Sir just stay calm

But instead I exploded and took everyone down with me

But minutes later? I began to regenerate and I walked out of the room


My Queen

She ran into a room

I think Jose is crazy! He needs to be restrained – before he does more retarded shit. You’ve seen what he did already! Beyond retarded! So what do you say? Will you help me?

Yes, dear. I will help you.

The chair does a 180 degree turn. And it is revealed to be Jose who is sitting there.

She squints into the dark. A bit of moonlight shones on my face.



The Troops Be Dancing

In the end? I was proven right. Zack died. Stacy got into a car accident and Rebecca G fell into a pit of carnivorous deer.

“I take no pride in being right,” I told my soldiers. “In fact, it is to my ultimate dismay that I was proven right…on this account.”

The soldiers started breakdancing and pretty soon I myself started breakdancing.

“You don’t say, I myself,” said my Queen.

“It’s redundant. I is sufficient.”

But I couldn’t hear her because I was too busy