Tomorrow Is Not Valentine’s Day

Holidays are overrated
I once dated a jaded
She said we artists
Should stick together
I said I couldn’t agree more
We spent time at the seashore

We ran into a guy who was in the military
He was an E-4
He said I just got word from base
An outbreak has broken out. Run!
We had our scuba gear on
So we just dove into the sea
The deep blue sea


Joel’s Mama

Joel’s Mama leaped at Joel like a leopard with spots. Joel hopped out of the way and sliced her cheek with a platinum switchblade encrusted with a golden dragon on the handle.

“You not supposed to harm yo mama!”

She wailed as she dropped to her knees holding her cheek with both hands. Blood dripped a puddle and soon mosquitos swarmed the pond of blood cells. Getting fat by the second.

“I’m sorry mama.” Joel walked over to her and patted her bald head in sympathy. He threw his blade into the ocean in immense self-disgust.

That is when Joel’s Mama pinched her son’s balls with the strength of a steel crab’s pincers. She raised him up into the air.

“Ahhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh! FUUUUUCCCKK! AHHHHHH!”

“Shut up, pussy.”

Joel’s Mama flung Joel into the ocean. His body splashed at least a mile away from the boat. And she then knelt by the puddle, waving the mosquitos away, and then slurping up what was left.

“Oh my God! Mama! Mama! A shark!!!”


Joel’s Soliloquy

“Gee, I wonder what happened to Noel. I wasn’t actchly gunna make his ass walk off the plank. I was gunna bring his ass back soon as buddy ass reached the edge. Hmm. Hella strange, them pirates. Stanford, huh? I don’t know much about no Stanford. They football team was good last year, that’s all I know. Hmm…Stanford…What they want wit Noel? He ‘ont look like he can play no football.”

Joel faced the ocean. The Ocean Pacific. By default it faced back. “But it shore do look like any other fuckin ocean,” he reminded himself.

Hmm…Oh God,

i sailed the sea
so many days
So many Waves
I’ve witnessed flow
The Waves they come
And they only go
Whence they crash upon
My wee-bit boat
Damn you, Waves
And all your might
My name’s Joel
And I sail all night

Joel’s mind was clear. He extended his arms and felt the wind tickle his armpits. He felt good, he felt amazing, he felt like his body was wind.

No thought could penetrate. His mind was like a vase with no bottom. No stimulus poured into it could be retained. He thought nothing, but felt good. He felt good, but thought nothing. His eyes closed, his soul open. The temperature, the overcast, it trickled a little. It felt so amazing. On his skin, the wind, the droplets, the movement of the boat broke no stride. It was the ultimate ride, true.

Joel’s Mama walked onto the deck.

“Joel, shutchyo dumbass up!”