More on Matthew

Matthew was in the bathroom and yet he looked up at the sky.

He said, can you please write more descriptive passages about me! And give me plot armor. Heavy, heavy, plot armor. I don’t wanna die! I don’t! I don’t!

His girlfriend said, “that was good.” She was in the shower looking all sexy. “Is that a new part?”

Yeah. It’s for my new acting class at the improv. We each have to pick a scene from a random shit. I found this in Jose’s car.

“It sounds lovely sweety. I know you will make a great actor someday. Even Jose thinks that.”

Jose…man. He’s just being nice.

Matthew masturbated into the toilet as he watched his girlfriend take a shower. His girlfriend was about to get out, but he told her to remain showering so he could bust twice a nut. “Are you fucking serious? Fucking sex Freak!”


A Great Dinner

So Jose, Matthew tells me you’re going back to school?

Yeah. I’m majoring in majoring. It’s complicated. It’s not worth explaining.

So, Sasha, I hear you’re going back to school, to finish your degree in Gemuligi.

Yup. I am so looking forward to it.

Oh and Matt! Weren’t you saying something about going back to school, next semester or something.

Oh yeah. Definitely dude. I gotta finish my Yabadabadu degree. I can get a job that pays me 18 if I finish that.

Jose looked on the ground and saw Sparky. The little mutt. Oh so cute.

So Sparky, I hear you’re going back to school too.


Letthewordsplay (Origin Story)

I can’t be deterred y’all
Everyone has a calling
Mine’s the Absurd Call
When I was born…I knew I was absurd
The doctors said, That’s an absurd baby
If we’ve ever seen one
When I be-gun
School, in kindergarten
The teacher said to my mom
He’s absurd, I’m just being honest
My momma was like, my little boy is NOT absurd
I said, mama it’s true! I am absurd
And my teachers would pull me aside and say,
Listen kiddo, even tho you are absurd
You too are allowed to play with the words

And since the 3rd grade
I was known
As the one and only


Journey To Cancun

I’m unbalanced, I’m unstable
If I come to the dinner party
I might flip the table over
Kuz I don’t know how to act
The veins by my temple will protrude
And begin to snap
Then I will attack a random guest
Then I will claim it was part of my quest
I took a test, now I’m in law school
The law is a tool I fidget with now
I dropped out of law school
And adopted a permanent scowl
I howl at the sun
And squint at the moon
I took a trip to Cancun
With the last bit of money I had
I had a blast for two days
Then boom!
I hung myself in a hotel room