The Onion Piece

A long time ago I was a writer for the Onion. I was an intern. Like, a guy who they were just testing out. I wrote by the name Jenkins Gallager. Look me up. It’s all facts.

Anyway, after three months they said I was too much. Too strong is your writing, they said. Too aggressive. You need to tone it down a bit.

But I did not like that. Because they kept revising it and telling me to make it more PG, basically. I don’t do PG, I told them. I don’t even do PG-13. R at minimum. You know what I’m saying?

Anyway, I decided to start my own website after that.


The Atlantic

A guy named Karl Taylor died
An article on how to save the American worker
Desk job tips on how lower class workers can survive
Something about going after Pelosi, Nancy
China is detaining Muslims on a mass scale
Hmm didn’t know that, but don’t care if you ask me
A guy named Mike Epsy is tryna be a Senator – great

And that’s it

That’s the news for today.

November 27, 2018


The Atlantic

Ok…something about Elon Musk digging tunnels
I always liked cruising in tunnels, the dark makes me ecstasy
Something about “Friendsgiving” – a Millennial recipe
Never heard of it. Is that a white thing?
Something about Brexit. Theresa May. And crisis.

An article recounting the Clinton impeachment
Damn! Let that story go already
Freeways are apparently on fire
In Cali. Use A/C or be sweaty

An article covering mass media’s promotion of mass shootings
The Midterm’s sending a message to Trump, like love shot by cupid
The Unabomber, Cesar Sayoc, the guy who sent a bomb to De Niro. WTF
Killer tulips. “Trump Gets NATO Backwards”
Hmm…I rather read and write smut

So What?

The Atlantic

November 15, 2018