Letter

Outside Of Work

I received a letter in the mail.
It was from Robert Lapadu
He said the following:

Dear Jose,

The other day you drove me home. I told you to take the scenic route and you drove through as many alleys as you could. Why? At the time I didn’t ask because I was of the mindset that I should let you do your thing. Do you, as the kids say. In addition, I was engrossed by the curiosity of why the hell you were driving through alleys. I wondered evermore intently with the bounce of every speed bump. So lost in thought was I, that it did not occur to me to ask you why you were doing it.

The next day, I went to the casino to seek you, not only to seek you, but to seek you out. After describing you in vague terms, a coworker determined it was you who I was describing. He told me you don’t use phones but that you accept letters and that I could write to you. That, like your penchant for alleys, threw me for another loop. So I returned to my car and I drove to a Walgreens to buy paper and envelopes. I wrote this in the parking lot with a fleeting nostalgia that made me smile twice. I returned to the casino and entrusted this letter to your buddy. Your buddy said I was crazy and I did not disagree.

I’ve been thinking in loops, my dear driver, and to break this cycle I need an answer from you. Why on Earth, did you take the alleys? Do you not know what it means to drive scenic?

Thank you,

Robert Lapadu

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Letter

The Swanson Letter

I received a letter in the mail.
It was from Lupita Swanson
She said the following:

Dear Jose,

Please enjoy.

That’s it? I wondered. That’s when I noticed a white substance, a powdery substance. At first I thought it was cocaine. Kuz she did say, please enjoy. That’s when I started having trouble breathing. And then it hit me – it was anthrax. I was immediately taken to the hospital and now I owe an extravagant ambulance bill. (That was the worst part of it all).

Needless to say I survived the attack. I wrote on a Post-It, Do not open letters from Lupita Swanson. And I stuck it on my wall.

Please enjoy? I guess she was being sarcastic. Hmm they say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. She’s brilliant!

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Letter

Responding To Maxine

Dear Maxine,

Wtf is your problem?!! Jk. I don’t mind you not approaching me. Maybe you were not in the mood to talk but you were merely in the mood to watch what I do. That is understandable. I’ve been in that state myself before so I don’t resent you for it.

I actually chose neither. I felt like if I bought a candy bar it would’ve been out of pure gluttony. True, I could have saved it for later perhaps. But I live close to a gas station so whenever I have a sweet tooth I just go there. True I could have saved myself the trip. But I don’t mind the trip and I rather enjoy it.

Anyway, what’s up with you? How are the kids? I’m only asking out of politeness. I’m not really interested in the status of your kids. But you are someone I feel it’s worthwhile to be polite to since I think you are a decent friend to have. Do tell me about your kids. You never know…maybe I’m intrigued by something that you say about them.

Man, Maxine. I’ve been having a really rough time. Please let me know in your response if you would like to hear about it.

Bye Maxine. I look forward to reading your letter.

Take Care,

Jose

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Letter

Shopping Madly

I received a letter in the mail.
It was from Maxine Bellamy
She said the following:

Dear Jose,

The other day I saw you at the store but I did not tell you. Instead I followed you around the aisles and watched you pick up a cereal box, then set it down, then pick up another, then set it down, and finally the third cereal box you put in your shopping cart. So indecisive of you, Jose. I wish I had not observed this about you. You moved so clumsily, with no grace at all, around the store. Finally, when you got to the check out line, I felt the urge to approach you but decided not to. Instead I observed your hand debate whether you should get a Hershey’s bar or a Snickers. I looked away at the last second and did not see which one you decided upon. I’m wondering if you can tell me in your response which one you settled for. After I left the store, the first thing I did was write this letter so the memory of you was still fresh in my mind.

Bye Jose. I look forward to reading your letter.

Take Care,

Maxine

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