I Got Hired (Fast Food)

I got hired by White Castle
Bit of a hassle to make the onion rings
You know?
And the sliders
But hey! At least I’m a provider
A survivor of all things horrid

I saw a black girl singing a Beyonce chorus
She’s my coworker and she won’t shut up
On the phone I overheard her say
She likes to take it in the butt
I gasped. Now I always look at her in the ass
Just imagining
Anyway this is my new job


A Testy Exchange

At least I don’t live in my mom’s basement!, she shouted.

Yeah well at least my mom isn’t gonna die next month

How do you know that? How do you know that! Mama’s boy!

Well…at least I’m trying really hard to get out

Really hard? Oh sweety, you spend all day writing on your blog. You poor soul. Now I just feel sorry for you.

Don’t feel sorry for me. Have a party for me. Bitches, balloons, Bacardi, and weed. And let niggas know that I died with the heart of a G.

What’s that?

Juelz Santana. Check him out.

Maybe I will!!

*Puts on headphones*

*3 minutes pass*

Great song. Oh Jose. This would all be so much better if you were successful.

I am successful – in my own eyes.

Studio Audience: Awwww


Meet The Damians

“She’s getting bored of her life here. I can tell.”

You can’t tell shit, Damian!

Damian and Damiana

They were not friends and not enemies

They were not a couple and they were not apart

“You’re pretending to be happy.”

Oh stop with that shit, Damian

“I’m just saying.”

Damiana stopped and looked at Damian

Not everyone is as miserable as you.

“You’re wrong! Everyone is as miserable as me…if not more miserable!”

Shut up, Damian.

“I know you’re not happy, Damiana.”

Are you just gonna keep saying that all the way to Alto Hills?



The Last Thing Before I Die

It’s funny…the only way I’ll stop writing is if I die. So I’m curious to know what will be the last thing I write before death. I would like to come back to life just to see what the last thing I wrote was. Was it something funny? Was it something deep, from the heart? Or was it something, something else?

That’s an interesting thing to think about. What will be the last thing I write before I die?


The Troops Be Dancing

In the end? I was proven right. Zack died. Stacy got into a car accident and Rebecca G fell into a pit of carnivorous deer.

“I take no pride in being right,” I told my soldiers. “In fact, it is to my ultimate dismay that I was proven right…on this account.”

The soldiers started breakdancing and pretty soon I myself started breakdancing.

“You don’t say, I myself,” said my Queen.

“It’s redundant. I is sufficient.”

But I couldn’t hear her because I was too busy



The New Fad

The new fad is to be openly depressed
I confess I may have made it popular
But that was not my intention, I was just being me
I saw a woman go on a shopping spree
And when she got home she felt depressed
But that night she got dressed like a person happy
And at the party all she radiated was joy

When a guy who shall remain unnamed
Showcased the face of gloom
He truly did, He truly did
He truly did light up the room


Gangster Jose

When I tricked him & her
I felt superb
But really words…
Words can’t describe it, only positive emotions can
The look on his face when he thought of Dan – hilarious
I’m going to marry this
Broad at the casino
Maybe inside the damn casino
Why not?
Emo fucks. Y’all more emotional than me and I’m supposed to be the poet!
You reap what you sow and I know what I’m sowing

Check your email in 9 days. I call it the 9 day theory.
You’re gonna see a picture of me doing something quite scary
Fairy. You got caught staring. Now commence preparing for ultimate drama
Ima send you to the grave site crying to yo mama