I busted a nut on my laptop. Sparks started flying out of it. I asked my mom if she could let me borrow money for a new one. She said, Son you’re 26. The underlying truth in that statement is self-evident, as you can tell. So I go back to my room and on my laptop is the nut I busted. It looks like coffee cream. Amaretto. It’s on the keyboard like a big fat SPLAT! And even on the screen is a sprinkle of juice. So now I don’t have a laptop, which sucks. I’m thinking, how long do I have to save to get a laptop? Should I even get a new laptop. I don’t even want anything. The feeling of not wanting anything.


My Queen

She ran into a room

I think Jose is crazy! He needs to be restrained – before he does more retarded shit. You’ve seen what he did already! Beyond retarded! So what do you say? Will you help me?

Yes, dear. I will help you.

The chair does a 180 degree turn. And it is revealed to be Jose who is sitting there.

She squints into the dark. A bit of moonlight shones on my face.



Sexiness Continued

I can write whatever
And it’ll still come out clever somehow
What’s better? A stupid sheep
Or a dumb cow
I’m dumb? How?
Oh you a bust down
You will drop down and get your eagle on girl
Get your aguila on
Please wear a thong for me boo
I like it when it’s really thin
A string called G
I fucked myself in the ass
I’m doing me

Get it?

. … .

I do!


Funny Story

Put your hand in a toaster
The mind is a neuronal coaster roller
I know the names of parts of brains
How smart am I?
The question is rhetorical
I saw a baby on the street, crawling at my feet
It was adorable
I picked her up and deemed her parents
As deplorable
The baby I took home
But it wouldn’t stop crying,
now I’m flying in a rage
To cool off I went to a play and I threw my phone at the stage
I think I then left in a rush and tripped on a rotten log
In the trees was the baby in camma


I’m like…what are you doing here?
Babies can’t walk?
The baby said, Shut up!
And I said, wtf
Babies can’t talk!



A polluted river
An environmentalist shivers
The liver at a bar taking a beating
The questions are leading
And the man is intriguing

The seething population
Awaits change, anticipation
No change, no real change coming soon
Time to do my heroin, where is my spoon?

An environmentalist, I saw
Throw trash out the window
Granted, her bumper sticker said
Save The Planet!