I went to a buffet
I had a suflay
I thought, I never had a suflay
But now I’m eating one

Then I ate jello, the red one and the yellow one
I saw a Chinese guy with his yellow son
I said hello fellow, huh? Is how he responded
I said I am a correspondent for CBS
What is your take on this buffet, do you think it’s good
Yes. It’s very good. Now please let us be

Ok. I said. Then I head to the bathroom
And there are rats in the sink and bugs crawling on the mirrors
I’m like, omg I fucking ate here
I go to throw up on the toilet
But it’s filled with diarrhea
So I run outside to vomit
And on a bike is a guy who stops and asks me if I’d like to have an omlet

I get on the pegs and off we go


Jose Has Left The Building


I ran into Matthew

He was selling cherry

Encrusted cashews

I’m like damn, that sounds good, how much?

He said, for you? a thousand bucks

That’s a little pricey

Then Matthew noticed

The building I was coming out of

He said, what were you doing

In there? In there, what were you doing?

His finger pointed, it shone

Underneath the streetlight

2 minutes ago it was mid-afternoon

And now a dark warm summer night?

I said, let’s take a walk my friend

I got a story worth a thousand cashews



There were two giant mice
Who ate rice with the common folk
And they bit the people’s heads off
Kuz..they would come into the restaurant
And sit next to them, the mice

The mice ate rice with a spoon and a fork
Silverware, dork

Natasha, she came in with a fake shotgun
But it turned out to be real and so
She actually committed suicide

The mice ran to her aid
And the manager got mad
Because they did not paid

Anyway this is the story
Of big mice



You arrive home. You live alone.

You hear a commotion. Very minor. You almost think you didn’t hear anything.

Still. Your heart drops a little.

You turn on the kitchen light and a guy is licking a green paste off the floor.

It’s guacamole.

“Not the guacamole!,” you scream.

In the other room there’s some noise. It’s the bathroom.

You open the door and your two gay neighbors are taking a shower together.

And they’re singing the Pledge of Allegiance to each other



Can I Get A….

I saw a guy get murdered at Burger Palace
I was like wtf!!! When I saw the cashier
Pull out a 15 AR
He shot and shot
And from the kitchen a cook
Thru a grenade

I was like holy shit!!!!!!
As I saw from outside
I still wanted to go inside and order
Kuz I was hungry

Now keep in mind..this is all happening in Hungary
Aka Hungaria

I walked in and acted like nothing was happening
Are you guys still taking orders?
Actually we’re women
*The cashier and cook take off their guy masks*


I Stand With Lemonade

I shake my little dick until you see me spraying semen sauce

I live in Gotham where Semen is boss

I knew a guy from Oregon, his name was Emily

He said Jose, even tho I’m white, you kinda resemble me

She worked at a pizzeria, in the bathroom she was doing diarrhea

But the toilet wouldn’t flush

So now the manager had to come into the bathroom, and she blushed

He was like damn Maria, that’s quite a mess you made

And hey! Where’s Jose?

He’s outside selling lemonade