I move like sliding gelatin in the valley of orange rust

I entered my Prius in a tournament of Monster Trucks

That’s the type of shit I do

I move like a tropical storm across a puddle of rainwater

I throw farther a football than most QBs

I knew a guy named Ubeee

Yes, spelled with three Es, he was truly African

When I grab the pen, it’s like I masturbate

Eww I’m gross

I blasted a song on my speakers

My speakers were Bose


No Phones

I received a letter in the mail.
It was from Heather McCale
She said the following:

Jose, I enjoyed the time we spent in Grand Rapids. It was the best time of my life. Well…not really the best but it was close. I will never forget the motel we stayed at. 2 stars?! I was expecting 1 maybe 1 and a half. So you really surprised me with that sweetheart. Anyways, I’m writing to let you know that I threw away my phone and I told people if they want to contact me to write to me. They were like “emails?” I said “No, letters.”

So please meet me next week, Monday at 6PM at the library by your house. I’ll have so much to tell you about my topsy-turvy week. And I’m sure you will too. Thank you Jose, this was the best advice I’ve ever gotten. You’re so wise lol. I know you cringe when people compliment you but please take this compliment kindly. Anyway, I have to go write more letters to a few fortune others. Do keep me in mind. See ya next week 🙂

With Love,