story

Mansion

My mansion. So beautiful. I now own a mansion. I thought, “what constitutes a mansion?” Without looking up the definition, could I define it for myself? Later I had the keys to my mansion. Real estate agent was a swell chick. I wouldn’t mind hitting that, I thought. Such a guy thing to think.

She said, I’ve heard of you. You’re that guy. With the website. Big dreams! That’s all you ever talked about. Big dreams!

Yup. Started out in a basement, you know? By the way, does this place have a basement?

Yeah. I’ll show you. *She takes me by the hand* (HOT!)

Ok. It’s a gorgeous basement. It really is like something to cry over. That’s how nice it is.

“Excuse me,” I said “here are some pictures of my old basement. I would like for this basement to be remodeled…To resemble it.”

She looked at the pics, then looked at me solemn. “I can do that.”

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Poetry

Simple Tin

Nah bitch
I ain’t a nahvice
Autistic mind, my mind is autistic
It’s like Nas said, now that I said it I force you to think it
Dunk it, dink it
Share it, link it
The Link Card, I have the Link Card
Now I face true shame
But my closet? Check out my shoe game
It’s immaculate
Count Dracula, I Dracu it
I’m the type who will kidnap ya bitch
Like Elizabeth Smart
Did I mention her before
Cops busted in screaming, get on the floor!
Guns drawn but I wasn’t there
They missed me

By a hair

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story

I Placed An Order

Baby, do you remember

When I kissed your butthole and let my tongue flicker

Baby, do you remember

When they came out with that app, Flickr

Neither do I. After sex make me pie

I want it with vanilla and cherry

And decorate the plate with berries

Oh we don’t have any? Go pick some

Off a tree, duh

Don’t look at me like that, just get going woman

I swear, women are so difficult

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Poetry

Hojitos Lindos

I saw a firefighter smashing his head on a fire hydrant

I saw a tyrant eating cockroach cookies with boyscouts

I saw the hand of doubt slap a mousetrap silly, thus releasing the mouse

I saw a porno and this was the marketing: Guy And Girl With HIV Have Sex

I saw a Rex-T he was sucking off the dick of a chicken

I saw a lot of things, like terror in the heartland of Europe

I saw vapor arising from my semen and escaping thru the vents

I saw a bear sleeping in a tent and humans with spears and chuckles approaching it

I saw a pair of tits with inversed nipples, the pointy part was in the back

I saw…hmm..what else did i see, I saw a stork in divorce court, across from him was an elk, and to the side of him was a moth

I saw….daw in daphireen salla

Yeah yeah yeah

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Poetry

Spinners & Diamonds

Suck cock!, you fiendish imp!
Don’t you dare get crimp
Voyager, destroing blurs
Placard reads, The Packers bleed
Surging sodomy, my tip squirts white like Elmer’s orange

She wore a leotard, her name was Leo
The watchmen arrove in Geos
By torchlight I wrote this

Open-mouthed your blouse is torn
Boundless joy
World meets boy
New show
Airs tonight

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