Marty Keeto

He Swam

I knew a guy, I think his name was Marty Keeto

The story goes that at night he’d go down into the sewers and have himself a swim

And he would enter thru different sewer caps each time. Sometimes on Archer and Kedzie. Sometimes on North and Broadway.

He always waited till the coast was clear to dive in. He wore black trunks and a highschool jersey he got at a garage sale. No sandals, barefoot.

Reports of a strange man climbing out of manholes circulated. He hated the attention. But he had no way of knowing if the coast was clear when he climbed out. He dreaded coming out, so sometimes he prolonged his swims just to forestall his resurfacing.

Anyway, The Sewer Man, they now called him on the news. And here and then a faroff picture of him would appear on social media. One guy had a video, it showed Marty running away. He was chased by the guy recording. He jumped on a dumpster and launched himself over this big heavy fence. Quite the feat. In the video, Marty appeared bald with a coat of black paint over his entire body. It intrigued people further.

Months later, people began to go down into the sewers themselves. A bit of a search party formed up. They went on canoes. Flashlights and all.

A year later, swimming in sewers is an activity countless people enjoy.


As for Marty?

Well, if you pay me, I’ll tell you.


The Farm Life

I wish I could try out the farm life. I like animals. And the city gets boring. I would assign myself the job of feeding the animals. And I’d sleep on a heap of hay. No internet either. I would abandon my phone and try to learn about farming. But what would I do for fun? I guess play board games with my new farm family. Or maybe do some other fun customs that I don’t know about. Ride a horse! For sure I would learn to ride a horse. Watch a little TV. Flirt with the neighboring farm girl. Maybe make a couple of farm friends and talk about farm stuff. I’ll tell them about the city and my previous life. Funny thing is, they’ll probably wish they could try out the city life. Just to see if they’ll like it. Same thing I would be doing.


Hello, Kitty

I saw Hello Kitty in an alley
It was standing there – by itself
I froze. I took a drag from a cigarette
Then I said, a Hello Kitty doesn’t scare me!

I walked towards it. It was in my way.
I needed to walk past it to get home.

I was making my way around it
Then it got in my way
I’m like, how are you doing this, Hello Kitty?

That night, I went to take a shower
And Hello Kitty was in my shower

Now everywhere I go I am followed
By Hello Kitty

Press Conference

2nd Question

Jose…how are you feeling today?

I don’t know man. I’m not feeling any particular way. Umm I am happy that many people are now reading my writing. And we’ll see what the verdict is. Do more people than not agree that this is what life is like for them.

But wait if I could just interrupt for a moment…some of the stuff you say is just plain off putting. Do you see any value in that? I don’t understand so if you could just –

Yeah. Well, umm…if people find what I write off putting, so be it. I just hope those people can compartmentalize and appreciate other aspects of my writing. And really I just hope for empathy for both the good and bad.

Wow that may be alot to ask for, sir.

Ok. Next question.

Looking back on everything that’s happened…do you have any regrets?

Press Conference

1st Question

Jose, umm, what would you be doing if you weren’t a writer?

Umm…honestly I think I would have been a farmer…yeah most likely…I like to farm. I farm good. I’m just blessed, man, that this writing shit presented itself as an opportunity to improve my surroundings and get out of the situation I was in. I don’t think I would have achieved the same success through farming. But I mean…that’s probably what I would have ended up doing if it wasn’t for writing..

Thank you.

Next question.