Jose Has Left The Building


I ran into Matthew

He was selling cherry

Encrusted cashews

I’m like damn, that sounds good, how much?

He said, for you? a thousand bucks

That’s a little pricey

Then Matthew noticed

The building I was coming out of

He said, what were you doing

In there? In there, what were you doing?

His finger pointed, it shone

Underneath the streetlight

2 minutes ago it was mid-afternoon

And now a dark warm summer night?

I said, let’s take a walk my friend

I got a story worth a thousand cashews


My Wife, Sarah Silverman

I fucked Sarah Silverman
She let out a cute giggle
Then we got high and watched
Two hours straight of Malcolm In The Middle
She said I have a show to go to
I have to go, can you take me?
I said yeah after all
You are having Jose’s baby

We got there, she got out, I began driving away
She said, hey wait!
You’re not gonna stay?

30 minutes later she’s beginning her set
She hasn’t shared her act with me
So I know not what to expect
A while later I realize all her jokes are about me 😦

Next week, same scenario
I turn to her and say
Can you drop me off at the Laugh Factory?
And also – I think you should stay