Clever Poetry

I ate the testicles of a wooly mammoth
And then I celebrated the Holy Sabbath

I ran into a drug store and robbed the pharmacist
Two days later I’m found unconscious on the ground and shit

I equipped a bow to my shield, and I taped an arrow to the end of my sword
They told me, son…are you ready for the lamest war?

I said no, save me for the war that is greatest
I saw a guy named Arabis


More on Matthew

Matthew was in the bathroom and yet he looked up at the sky.

He said, can you please write more descriptive passages about me! And give me plot armor. Heavy, heavy, plot armor. I don’t wanna die! I don’t! I don’t!

His girlfriend said, “that was good.” She was in the shower looking all sexy. “Is that a new part?”

Yeah. It’s for my new acting class at the improv. We each have to pick a scene from a random shit. I found this in Jose’s car.

“It sounds lovely sweety. I know you will make a great actor someday. Even Jose thinks that.”

Jose…man. He’s just being nice.

Matthew masturbated into the toilet as he watched his girlfriend take a shower. His girlfriend was about to get out, but he told her to remain showering so he could bust twice a nut. “Are you fucking serious? Fucking sex Freak!”


On The Haiku…

Honestly, I don’t know why the haiku is so celebrated. It’s just a random decree about the length of three lines. Like wooowww. Ok. Who was the brilliant Jap that thought of this? I write haikus from time to time and sometimes I’m like… I can’t believe this is even a thing. I’m gonna make up my own set of rules for a piece of writing and give it a name. Yup.

Abel Laney

The Artist Known As Abel Laney

There was an artist known
as Abel Laney,
Laney The Great, he would say jokingly, but not really

He made a piece of art called Eeely
And when he painted he panted
He watched TV all frantic
And he spent time hypothesizing the existence of unknown planets

And he described these planets and what life was like on them
In sleep, when he reached REM, he dreamt planets of dreams, and recorded them

Everyone is creative, he thought, because everyone dreams! And dreams…
Well, a good dream is creative!
Even a bad dream!
But he hated badly nights on which he did not dream
He woke up and blurted, Fuck! When he realized he did not dream
The Artist known as Abel Laney, the man of dreams.


Midnight Thoughts Of A Poetic Thinker

I thrashed nash in a bash bash
Beesh beesh tap tap
Laugh laugh is a soundtrack
I hit a wall like 30 year old women do
and bounced back
Your best day
I can trounce that
With the thrill of one
Poem poem poem
I should change my name to Poem
Is anyone out there?
If there is then
This is how I whoa em
That is why, that is why
By heart you know my poems