story

Hello, Kitty

I saw Hello Kitty in an alley
It was standing there – by itself
I froze. I took a drag from a cigarette
Then I said, a Hello Kitty doesn’t scare me!

I walked towards it. It was in my way.
I needed to walk past it to get home.

I was making my way around it
Then it got in my way
I’m like, how are you doing this, Hello Kitty?

That night, I went to take a shower
And Hello Kitty was in my shower

Now everywhere I go I am followed
By Hello Kitty

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story

I Love Me Some H2O

Water bottle wazoo
Water bottle waddle some more
I saw a water bottle at the store
It said, Pick me! Oh. Oh. Pick me.

Why hasn’t anyone picked you, I asked it

No one drinks water no more, man

Hmm. Well let me see. I’m gonna try to get something that goes down good with water.

*5 minutes pass*

I’m back

Oh cool. You’re taking me?

Yes

What did you get? Is it something tasty? Is it something crunchy?

You ask a lot of questions for a water bottle…….I got chocolate

What kind of chocolate?

Don’t trip, potato chip

Hey can you not drink me? And can we just be friends

I don’t know, man. I’m already friends with a tire. People are gonna think I’m crazy. But then again…people thought I was crazy before i became friends with a tire

Crazy? You look pretty cool to me.

Keep talking, water bottle. Flattery will get you very far with me.

I think you’re hot.

Cashier looks at me all crazy. I look at her…you hear that? My water bottle thinks I’m hot

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story

SASHA?

Milita, my real name is Milita.

So why do you call yourself Sasha?

Because…that’s how I introduced myself to Matt…and I thought, why not go with it.

Well yeah, why not go with it?

She pulled out a little mirror and began doing her little makeup

Sasha is an overused name anyway

Really?

No not really. But when I said it I felt like it was true to say. But now reflecting on it a few seconds later, I recall never meeting anyone by that name.

Until you met me.

Well, technically your name is not Sasha. So I never met a Sasha.

Suddenly a Tiger began to fuck a Horse and a Horse began to eat the pussy of a Rabbit.

What’s going on here, asked Milita.

Idk, said Jose.

What do you mean you don’t know? It’s your fantasy!

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A Sight Not To Behold

I saw a guy with a strange feature

His ass was where his stomach was

His stomach was wear his head was

And his head was where his ass used to be

I told my mommy, mommy what kind of person is this?!

My mommy shamed him and said he shouldn’t be outdoors, he should not be seen

It was at that moment he committed suicide

By strangulation, a Twizzler off a satellite Dish

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More on Matthew

Matthew was in the bathroom and yet he looked up at the sky.

He said, can you please write more descriptive passages about me! And give me plot armor. Heavy, heavy, plot armor. I don’t wanna die! I don’t! I don’t!

His girlfriend said, “that was good.” She was in the shower looking all sexy. “Is that a new part?”

Yeah. It’s for my new acting class at the improv. We each have to pick a scene from a random shit. I found this in Jose’s car.

“It sounds lovely sweety. I know you will make a great actor someday. Even Jose thinks that.”

Jose…man. He’s just being nice.

Matthew masturbated into the toilet as he watched his girlfriend take a shower. His girlfriend was about to get out, but he told her to remain showering so he could bust twice a nut. “Are you fucking serious? Fucking sex Freak!”

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A Great Dinner

So Jose, Matthew tells me you’re going back to school?

Yeah. I’m majoring in majoring. It’s complicated. It’s not worth explaining.

So, Sasha, I hear you’re going back to school, to finish your degree in Gemuligi.

Yup. I am so looking forward to it.

Oh and Matt! Weren’t you saying something about going back to school, next semester or something.

Oh yeah. Definitely dude. I gotta finish my Yabadabadu degree. I can get a job that pays me 18 if I finish that.

Jose looked on the ground and saw Sparky. The little mutt. Oh so cute.

So Sparky, I hear you’re going back to school too.

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