Random List Pt. 16

Doing backstrokes in a lake of thorns shouting out for joy because you feel reborn

Eating a tennis ball that tastes like chocolate mints and your dick is so cold it’s got a frosted tip

Spraying Febreze into your asshole because you completely ran out of toilet paper

There was once a defensive coordinator named Dom Capers

Trying to sell sum stealth gum in Belgium

Drinking a McDonald’s Coke out of a Fallopian tube and you choke on the residue goo

A neuroscience alliance, between me and a girl who’s never replying

You’re a manager at Home Depot, and you put signs on the sliding doors reading: NO PEOPLE

You have a headache so extreme you deem it a migraine, and the doctor tells you that’s light pain

Getting a muffler surgically attached to your ass


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