A Sight Not To Behold
I saw a guy with a strange feature
His ass was where his stomach was
His stomach was wear his head was
And his head was where his ass used to be
I told my mommy, mommy what kind of person is this?!
My mommy shamed him and said he shouldn’t be outdoors, he should not be seen
It was at that moment he committed suicide
By strangulation, a Twizzler off a satellite Dish
More on Matthew
Matthew was in the bathroom and yet he looked up at the sky.
He said, can you please write more descriptive passages about me! And give me plot armor. Heavy, heavy, plot armor. I don’t wanna die! I don’t! I don’t!
His girlfriend said, “that was good.” She was in the shower looking all sexy. “Is that a new part?”
Yeah. It’s for my new acting class at the improv. We each have to pick a scene from a random shit. I found this in Jose’s car.
“It sounds lovely sweety. I know you will make a great actor someday. Even Jose thinks that.”
Jose…man. He’s just being nice.
Matthew masturbated into the toilet as he watched his girlfriend take a shower. His girlfriend was about to get out, but he told her to remain showering so he could bust twice a nut. “Are you fucking serious? Fucking sex Freak!”
A Great Dinner
So Jose, Matthew tells me you’re going back to school?
Yeah. I’m majoring in majoring. It’s complicated. It’s not worth explaining.
So, Sasha, I hear you’re going back to school, to finish your degree in Gemuligi.
Yup. I am so looking forward to it.
Oh and Matt! Weren’t you saying something about going back to school, next semester or something.
Oh yeah. Definitely dude. I gotta finish my Yabadabadu degree. I can get a job that pays me 18 if I finish that.
Jose looked on the ground and saw Sparky. The little mutt. Oh so cute.
So Sparky, I hear you’re going back to school too.
I Shot My Shots
The Whore Ambulance zipped by me in traffic.
It cut me off, so me mad.
I saw the back of the ambulance open up
And I saw who it was, my least favorite whore
I said, Matthew – hold the wheel
I climbed out of the window and sat on the ledge
With a big ass gun I shot the ambulance and the ambulance died
The End.
The Winged Dragon
In the street my meat gets beaten
I jack a doodle dah
The Tazmanian Jamian
The card, Egyptian Rah
Random Dialogue Pt. 1
He. Mr. Marketer: get up whore! And market the products. Hurry up. We have deadlines to meet.
But sir, I am so tired, my sir.
Mr. Marketer: get up whore! Get up!
*On his phone he plays the sound of a whiplash*
Mr. Marketer: whore, get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!
Sir, I am sorry, sir. I am so …
Mr. Marketer: Whore? Whore? Someone call an ambulance this whore just passed out.
Assistant #1: sir you have to call a special ambulance for whores. It’s called the Whore Ambulance.
Mr. Marketer: Then call the Whore Ambulance then! What the hell are you waiting for?!
